the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
