He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
