i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
