My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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