do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
