I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
