operation harelip BJ is a go
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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