Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
