No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
