he puts the penis in happiness.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Damn victory sex feels great
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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