I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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