its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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