We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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