Soap is not a condiment
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
