how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
