Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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