whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
