You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
