I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
