My girlfriend figured out who you are.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
