I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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