So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
