if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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