im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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