He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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