I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
