My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
