Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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