I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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