Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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