Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
