PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
