So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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