I want to have your abortion
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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