i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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