What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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