pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
