ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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