Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
