i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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