I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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