my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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