I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
