zippers are such a cool invention
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
