afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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