Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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