I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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