he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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