TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
