I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
