I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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